October 2011
4 posts
2 tags
Are you looking at my boobs?
Woman at coffeeshop: “Uh, excuse me, are you looking at my boobs?”
I replied, “No, well, yes, and they’re very nice, but I noticed the book you’re reading is made out of paper. What decade do you live in?”
- Post sponsored by Amazon Kindle.
1 tag
Why I drink Coffee in the Morning.
I drink coffee in the morning because otherwise I can’t poop.
3 tags
Women During PMS
3 tags
Earth Girls Are Easy
Earth girls are easy.
You may be thinking to yourself “Mmhmm, I’ve been trying for years. They’re not easy.” Well, you’re wrong, and allow me to explain.
First off, you want date rape drugs…I mean no! Wait, I got off on a bad start. Here’s what you must do:
Be an asshole. Hot girls can’t stand rejection, so if you’re an asshole to them, and act as if they are just a slab of shit that...
September 2011
5 posts
1 tag
Tangible Ego
The more attention you give to my ego, the larger it gets. My penis is a physical representation of my ego.
3 tags
All 50 States
Some asshole pissed me off, so I told a story about him.
4 tags
Man Vs Dildo
Let’s talk about dildos. A dildo is a fake penis made to fit specific needs. It is artificial intelligence programmed to be good enough to assume a penis’ position in bed. It is a robot designed for the sole purpose of being better than a normal penis.
There are many types of dildos made out of many different materials. I’ve seen dildos made out of rubber, dildos made out of plastic, metal,...
3 tags
“When I think about the number of rapes in the world today, I hold a rather...”
2 tags
“I apologize in advance for never calling you again after we have sex tonight.”
August 2011
8 posts
“Biggest pet peeve: when you’re bending over wiping your ass and your penis...”
“I fail to see the need to have an emotional connection to a woman in order to...”
3 tags
The woman I've always loved
I went to Vegas last weekend. That’s not the beginning of the story; I’m just letting you know where we’re going to end up.
I met her in the sixth grade. She and I went to a small community school where I didn’t fit in very well. It was a country town, and I was a city boy. Nothing much interested me except sex and computers and cookies, and the activities the other...
International Woman's Day
As some of you may know, yesterday was International Woman’s Day. It’s a special day of the year where you give thanks and respect for the women in your life for all the amazing things they do for you. It’s not so celebrated in the United States as it is in places like Europe or South America. There, it’s as big as Mother’s Day or Valentine’s Day.
But I...
1 tag
2 tags
After Sex, Unspoken Tests
After the first time we have sex, if you do not mention getting food soon, I will not speak to you again.
After the first time we have sex, if you ask if I played you, I will not speak to you again (The answer is yes if you ask it. If you don’t ask it, then no, I didn’t).
After the first time we have sex, if you become emotional because I don’t want to cuddle at that moment, I...
2 tags
3 tags
Socially Unacceptable
If we’ve had a one night stand, you are not allowed to add me on LinkedIn. It is completely off-limits.
Facebook is debatable. If I believe that you’re somewhat of a decent person, and you make me believe that you won’t be pursuing more than the one night of fun, I might consider letting you be a part of my friend list - under the right privacy settings, of course.
Feel...