After Sex, Unspoken Tests

After the first time we have sex, if you do not mention getting food soon, I will not speak to you again.

After the first time we have sex, if you ask if I played you, I will not speak to you again (The answer is yes if you ask it.  If you don’t ask it, then no, I didn’t).

After the first time we have sex, if you become emotional because I don’t want to cuddle at that moment, I will never speak to you again.  

After the first time we have sex, if you do not at least smile at my deliberate tension-slicing funny line I say, I will never speak to you again.  However, if you retort with a line that is even better than my line, I will become playful and want to have sex with you even more.

After the first time we have sex, if I feel a strange vibe from you, I will ask you what is wrong once.  If your answer involves abundant emotions or pregnancy, I will never speak to you again.  If your answer contains the phrase, “I thought you and I, y’know, were special,” I will never speak to you again.  If I have to ask you more than once, I will never speak to you again.